The majority of Number One’s are achieved early on in the artist’s public career and before they have been able to establish reputations and build a solid fan base. The celebrated, of course, are apt to fall into a world of drugs, drink, broken marriages and bankruptcy but even this is given the glamour treatment instead of the squalid misery that it is in reality.īasically, a Number One is seen as the ultimate accolade in pop music. Along with the soap stars, sporting heroes and selected (however distant) members of the Royal Family, pop stars belong to a glittering world of showbiz parties, at one end of the scale, to illicit liaisons, at the other, where their lives are dragged up, dressed up, made up and ultimately destroyed.
People equate a Number One with fame, endless wealth and easy sex – a myth that they want to believe and one that the popular press want to see continued. So enjoy what you can while at Number One. It is you, though, who will be responsible for bringing back those lost tastes, smells, tears, pangs, forgotten years and missed chances. In years to come people will stagger home down lonely streets singing your song to the strains of regurgitated vindaloo, all memory of who was behind the song lost. Now, we all know that pop music is not going to save the world but it does, undeniably, create a filing system for the memory banks. If parts get too boring just fast forward – all the way to the end if need be. Our insights will be shot through with distort rays and we will revel in our own inconsistencies. We will trap ourselves in our own pretensions. You will, however, see through our lies and grasp the shining truth within. We will lie to you but we will lie to ourselves as well.
#Get lyrical manual manual
In parts of this manual we will patronise you. What was once yours for a few days will now enter the public domain. Fame will flicker and fade and sex will still be a problem. Other than achieving a Number One hit single we offer you nothing else. Top 40 thus guaranteeing you a place forever in the sacred annals of Pop History. Because it is only by following the clear and concise instructions contained in this book that you can realise your childish fantasies of having a Number One hit single in the official U.K. Be ready to dip your hands in the lucky bag of life, gather the storm clouds of fantasy and anoint your own genius.
“HOW TO HAVE A NUMBER ONE – THE EASY WAY”īe ready to ride the big dipper of the mixed metaphor. WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK MARIE O’FLAHERTY FOR HER DEDICATION AND HARD WORK ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY AND WITHOUT WHOM WE WOULD NOT HAVE COMPLETED THIS MANUAL. THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF DON LUCKNOW. YOU WlLL RECEIVE YOUR GUARANTEE WITHIN 28 DAYS. WITH YOUR NAME, ADDRESS AND A PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR PURCHASE RECEIPT AND AN S.A.E. TO RECEIVE THIS GUARANTEE PLEASE WRITE TO KLF PUBLICATIONS, BOX 283, HP21 7HG, U.K. CHARTS WITHIN THREE MONTHS OF THE PURCHASE OF THIS MANUAL AND ON CONDITION THAT YOU HAVE FULFILLED OUR INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER. WE GUARANTEE THAT WE WILL REFUND THE COMPLETE PRICE OF THIS MANUAL IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO ACHIEVE A NUMBER ONE SINGLE IN THE OFFICIAL (GALLUP) U.K. THIS BOOK IS SOLD SUBJECT TO THE CONDITION THAT IT SHALL NOT BY WAY OF TRADE OR OTHERWISE BE LENT, RESOLD, HIRED OUT OR OTHERWISE CIRCULATED WITHOUT THE PUBLISHER’S PRIOR CONSENT IN ANY FORM OF BINDING OR COVER OTHER THAN THAT IN WHICH IT lS PUBLISHED AND WITHOUT A SIMILAR CONDITION INCLUDING THIS CONDITION BEING IMPOSED IN THE SUBSEOUENT PUBLISHER. NO PART OF THIS PUBLICATION MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN A RETRIEVAL SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM OR BY ANY MEANS ELECTRONIC, MECHANICAL, PHOTOCOPYING, RECORDING OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT THE PRIOR CONSENT OF KLF PUBLICATIONS. KLF PUBLICATIONS IS A KLF COMMUNlCATIONS COMPANYĪLL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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